With depression comes feelings of low self-esteem and thoughts of death. This is in direct contradiction to the value people have due to UT2, and is one reason why UT3 exists. But what can you do? It goes with the territory. Rest assured that I’m not thinking of doing myself in, but also know that these are the kinds of thoughts that haunt me frequently, especially when I think I’ve screwed up, which is often enough. If you do read this … well, thanks.

can i go now
i lay and think
why should i stay?

one won’t come to
one won’t speak to
one won’t respond to
me, me, and me
one tries

but the first one only asks
if i am blaming
if i am testing
if i am disappointed in
her, her, and her

no one breaches the pain and no one listens

it is not easy to say what is wrong
would i want to?

i wonder how i could die
how long i could lie there
how much better it would be

for me
for them

i think of ways
and wonder at
the unbending courage of those before

the pills
the falls
the ropes
the sword
how could they brave such a fall?

in the darkness
the first one
my helper calls
is all well?

no

am i blaming
am i needing
am i testing
am i disappointed in
her, her, her, and her

i believe she cares but does without show
so i cannot be certain

but i am amazed
that with one footstep
and a few selfish questions
my pain is lessened

as am i

look at the trees
look at the light
in the trees

can i go now